3 Ways High-Achievers Gaslight Themselves (And How to Stop)

Editor's Note: This post was originally published in July 2023 and updated in December 2025 with insights specific to high-achieving women who gaslight themselves into burnout.

If you're a high-achieving woman, chances are you've become an expert at gaslighting yourself.

You tell yourself you're "fine" when you're exhausted. You dismiss your feelings as "dramatic." You convince yourself that if you just tried harder, pushed more, or got more organised, everything would be manageable.

This is self-gaslighting — and it's one of the fastest routes to burnout.

We all have an inner voice that guides us, warns us, and celebrates our achievements. But somewhere along the way, that voice stopped supporting you and started undermining you. It downplays your experiences, dismisses your needs, and convinces you that what you're feeling isn't valid.

Let's explore three common ways high-achieving women gaslight themselves — and how to stop.

What Is Self-Gaslighting?

Gaslighting, traditionally, is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality. They make you doubt your perceptions, memories, or feelings.

Self-gaslighting is when you do this to yourself.

You override your own needs. You dismiss your exhaustion. You convince yourself that what you're experiencing "isn't that bad" or "other people have it worse."

For high-achieving women, self-gaslighting becomes second nature. You've been trained to push through, to be strong, to handle everything. So when your body and mind are screaming for rest, you gaslight yourself into believing you're fine.

Until you're not.

Way #1: "I'm Fine" (When You're Clearly Not)

What It Sounds Like:

• "I'm fine, just tired."

• "Everyone feels like this sometimes."

• "It's not that bad, I'm just being dramatic."

• "Other people have it worse."

• "I just need to push through."

What's Really Happening:

You're exhausted. You're overwhelmed. You're running on empty. But admitting that feels dangerous — like weakness, like failure, like you're not capable enough.

So instead, you gaslight yourself into believing you're "fine."

The truth: You're not fine. And pretending you are is making it worse.

Why High-Achievers Do This:

You've been rewarded your entire life for being strong, capable, and able to handle anything. Admitting you're struggling feels like admitting you're not good enough.

But here's the reality: denying how you feel doesn't make it go away. It just delays the inevitable crash.

How to Stop:

Ask yourself: "If my best friend felt this way and told me she was 'fine,' would I believe her?"

Probably not. So why are you holding yourself to a different standard?

Try this instead: "I'm not fine. I'm exhausted. And that's valid."

Way #2: "I Should Be Able to Handle This"

What It Sounds Like:

• "I should be able to manage this workload."

• "Other people do this without complaining."

• "If I were better organised, this wouldn't be a problem."

• "I used to be able to handle more than this."

• "What's wrong with me?"

What's Really Happening:

You're gaslighting yourself into believing that struggling = failure. That if you were "good enough," you'd be able to handle everything without breaking a sweat.

The truth: The amount you're carrying isn't reasonable. It's not a sign of weakness to struggle under an unreasonable load — it's a sign you're human.

Why High-Achievers Do This:

You compare yourself to some imaginary version of you that has unlimited energy, no needs, and superhuman capacity. And when you fall short of that impossible standard, you blame yourself.

But that version of you doesn't exist. And trying to live up to her is burning you out.

How to Stop:

Ask yourself: "Is this load actually manageable, or am I just gaslighting myself into thinking it should be?"

Try this instead: "This is too much. And that's not a personal failing — it's just reality."

Way #3: "My Needs Don't Matter as Much"

What It Sounds Like:

• "I can rest later."

• "They need me more than I need this."

• "It's selfish to put myself first."

• "I should just be grateful for what I have."

• "I don't deserve to take up space with my problems."

What's Really Happening:

You've internalised the belief that everyone else's needs matter more than yours. So you gaslight yourself into deprioritising yourself — constantly.

The truth: Your needs matter just as much as anyone else's. Full stop.

Why High-Achievers Do This:

You've spent your life being "the good girl" — helpful, accommodating, selfless. You've been rewarded for putting others first. And somewhere along the way, you started believing that your worth depends on how much you give to others.

But constantly abandoning your own needs to meet everyone else's is not kindness. It's self-abandonment. And it's why you're burnt out.

How to Stop:

Ask yourself: "If I keep putting everyone else first, when do my needs get met?"

The answer is never. And that's not sustainable.

Try this instead: "My needs matter. Taking care of myself isn't selfish — it's necessary."

The Cost of Self-Gaslighting

When you constantly gaslight yourself, here's what happens:

• You lose trust in your own perceptions and feelings

• You override important signals from your body and mind

• You burn out because you never acknowledge when you're struggling

• You resent the people around you (because you're doing everything while denying your own needs)

• You disconnect from who you actually are

Self-gaslighting doesn't make you stronger. It makes you more burnt out.

How to Stop Gaslighting Yourself

1. Notice When You're Doing It

Start paying attention to the phrases you use:

• "I'm fine"

• "I should be able to..."

• "I'm just being dramatic"

• "Other people have it worse"

These are red flags that you're gaslighting yourself.

2. Challenge the Thought

When you catch yourself self-gaslighting, ask:

• Is this objectively true, or am I dismissing my own experience?

• Would I say this to a friend who felt this way?

• What evidence do I have that this thought is accurate?

3. Validate Your Own Experience

You don't need permission to feel what you feel. Your exhaustion is real. Your overwhelm is valid. Your needs matter.

Practice saying: "This is hard. And that's okay."

4. Get Support

Breaking the self-gaslighting habit is hard to do alone, especially when it's been your survival strategy for years.

Working with a coach can help you:

• Recognise when you're dismissing your own needs

• Challenge the beliefs keeping you stuck

• Trust your own experience again

• Build a life where your needs actually matter

Stop Gaslighting Yourself Into Burnout

If you recognise yourself in these patterns, know this: you're not broken, dramatic, or weak. You've just been trained to dismiss your own needs for so long that it feels normal.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

The Reclaim Programme helps burnt-out, high-achieving women stop gaslighting themselves and start trusting their own experience. Through 6 months of coaching, you'll learn to:

• Recognise when you're dismissing your own needs

• Trust your feelings instead of overriding them

• Set boundaries without convincing yourself you're being unreasonable

• Build self-worth that isn't tied to being "fine" all the time

Not sure where to start? Book a free 50-minute clarity call to explore whether coaching is right for you. No pressure, no sales pitch — just an honest conversation about what you need.

Book Your Free Clarity Call →

You deserve to trust yourself. And you deserve support in learning how.

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